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Happy Birthday, Daddy

December 15, 2010
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Dear Daddy,

Happy birthday. I miss you so much.

Today you would have been 79 years old; an age that sounds old but I know that you would have been young at heart like you always were.  I haven’t forgotten about you but I try not to think about your absence; I try not to remember that you’re not here and haven’t been here since that terrible night in 2004.  I try not to think about these things not because I want to forget, but because I don’t want to remember that you passed; the knowing that we won’t see you walking through the door is just too hard and sad for me; for all of us.  Instead, I focus on the memories; on the joy that you brought to everyone’s life; the talks we had, the love you gave and your words of wisdom.  I haven’t visited you because seeing your gravestone makes me remember the things I don’t want to remember so I look at your pictures instead and tell Kayla all about you.  I tell Kayla about you; that you’re in heaven watching over her and us.

You were taken from us too soon and it makes me sad that you weren’t able to meet Kayla, Hanna or Max.  That’s the one thing we regret; that we didn’t have children sooner so they could get to know you and learn from you the way I did.  I will always carry that regret with me because I know you would have loved to be here, helping us raise Kayla.  I see the way mom and Kayla play together; the bond they share is so special and I wish that you were here too; to share that bond because there’s something truly magnificent and special between grandfather and granddaughter.  I’m sad that she’ll never be able to hear your voice, your laughter and learn the valuable lessons you taught me.

Kayla is growing so fast; she’s learning leaps and bounds and talks so much everyday.  I look at her and I see you and for that, I feel truly blessed to  be able to look at my daughter and see a man who taught me what it means to be a good person and an amazing parent.  Kayla  has a lot of your traits: the social personality, the humour and a zest for life, not to mention always wanting to make people laugh with her zany antics.

The holidays are not the same without you; actually, any family event is not the same without you.  In a lot of ways, when you passed, our excitement for things passed as well but we try and make do with what we have.  I’m sure everyone feels the same as me: we try not to remember that you’re not here but think about the times when things were better and we weren’t living with this void in our life; with this hole in our hearts.

Happy birthday, daddy; you are always missed and in our hearts and minds.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 15, 2010 1:41 pm

    What a great & sincere letter. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  2. December 16, 2010 1:52 pm

    What a sweet post 🙂 I bet Kayla knows how much her Grandpa loves her even though he’s not able to tell her in person.

  3. December 19, 2010 11:31 pm

    thanks for opening up and sharing! i know it must have been difficult for you to write this…

  4. December 23, 2010 1:50 pm

    Thank you for sharing. Like you say to me when I write about my brother, it must have been hard for you to write this. You don’t talk much about your dad’s death but I am glad that you are now. Did you feel better after writing all this down?

    This is such a sweet letter. I think that you should print it out, fold it up and give it to your dad at his gravestone. I know you don’t like to visit him there but maybe it might make you feel better. I use to bawl and lose it the first couple of times I went to visit my brother’s niche. I felt guilty for leaving him. I continued to go even though it hurt me so much. But everytime I went, I left him a letter. That made me feel good. Everyone is different. Maybe next year you can visit him on his birthday (for his 80th) and leave him a nice letter.

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