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bollocks!

March 1, 2010
tags: ,

i got this from a forwarded email:

a man must have written this

obvioulsy it was a joke but it wouldn’t surprise me if this were true; that women back in the 60s had to put up with this kind of bullshit.  clearly, a man wrote this because if a woman were to have written this, it would go something like this:

after you cook, clean the house, feed the children, get them ready for bed and put them to bed, be sure to thank your wife for going through the hours of pain and strain and being the key to what is called The Miracle of Life.  Never can any man equal up to this because only a woman has the strength and perserverence to bear children as all men are unable to stand any sort of pain.  Remember this always.   If men cannot take the common  cold like a man and buck-up when they get sick, surely bearing children and having to go through labor is not in the cards for them.  this automatically renders your role as Head of the House useless.

if you leave skid-marks in the toilet or your underwear, have some respect and double-flush or clean it immediately.  do your own laundry or hide your shitty underpants somewhere where your wife can’t find it.  it is hard enough trying to keep a clean house with children running around, let alone having to scrub shit stains off of your underwear.   it is not your wife’s job to quietly clean it up because that is disgusting and women never understand how that happens.  clean up after yourself – you are a grown man and she is your wife, not your servant.   treat her as such.

after dinner, do not leave your dishes on the table expecting they will magically disappear and clean themselves.  pick up after yourself.  use your hands to wash the dishes – it’s not that hard.  help her with the chores as she will appreciate it more and maybe, will reward you more often.

prior to retiring to the bedroom, please shower and when we say shower, we don’t mean just using water.  use the soap that is right in front of you because that’s what it’s there for.  cleanse every part of your body.  do this every day and maybe your wife might let you mount her more often.  do not be selfish and expect her to be ready at the drop of a hat.  she needs time and patience.  touch her gently but do not knead her breasts like you are kneading dough.  they are a part of her body and not a baked-good; respect it as such.  her pleasure is more important than yours because she is the foundation of your entire happiness, house and the mother of your children so make sure that she has her moment of fulfillment.  if she doesn’t and you do, you have failed your marriage vows and your role as a husband and man.  if she has experienced her moment of fulfillment, give her more if she wants it without complaint.  do not ask for anything in return because her bearing your children is return enough.  if she is willing, she will offer to return the pleasure and you should accept it with gratitude.

if she feels the need to sleep immediately, then so be it.  massage her back as she drifts off to sleep and then excuse yourself to sleep in the other room if you snore; after all, her beauty rest is of utmost importance.  if she wants to engage in other intimate acts such as cuddling, hugging, kissing then wrap your arms around her and hold her close.  tell her how much you appreciate everything she does for the family.  it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular, your committment to obey her.”

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One Comment leave one →
  1. March 1, 2010 4:15 pm

    you, my friend are freaking hilarious!!! Insightful and entertaining….just what keeps me reading!

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