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more tuesday randomness

February 9, 2010

i got back from the doctor’s office and was violated in all the wrong ways.  that’s right folks, i had my yearly physical which means i was poked and prodded against my will.  i guess it serves me right for making fun of DH when he went for his physical yesterday.

but my doctor is amazing; she’s one of the best physicians i’ve ever had so it wasn’t that bad.  most physicals i’ve had usually take about 20mins at the most but because she took her time and went over my entire history in detail and even gave me an eye exam, i was there for about 45mins.  oh, i have 20/20 vision in my left eye, if you must know. the right one…. not so much.  and i am almost 126lbs and just over 5″3′ which means i think i shrunk about an inch because i was sure that i was 5″4′ at my last physical which was about 3 or 4 years ago.  i must be over the hill if i’m starting to shrink already.  but whatever.  oh yeah, i was also recommended to get orthotics or orthopedic shoes because i have flat, sqaure feet.  how sexy do you think orthopedic shoes can be?  i don’t imagine them coming in any sort of fashionable heel or boots.  don’t they just look like the boxes they come in?  anyway they can’t be far off from what i currently wear which are black merrill hiking shoes so i might as well get them.  i wear the most unsexy shoes ever.  if you don’t believe me, check them out:

ugly but so comfy... like i'm wearing clouds on my feet

i don’t care how ugly these look because they are so incredibly comfortable.  they surround your feet with cushiony wonderfulness and it feel like you’re wearing clouds on your feet.  if i had a penis, i would insert it into the shoe, they are that comfortable.  let’s get one thing straight here though – i only wear these when i’m bumming around with kayla, not when i got out-out.  give me some credit people! i know when to dress up or down; it’s not like i rock these with a fancy dress.  but i have been known to rock crocs with white socks and black yoga pants floods-style.   i am not ashamed of how i sometimes go out.  it’s only markville mall for christs sake!  is it christ’s sake or christs sake?  whatever.

so back to my physical.  women already know the drill when it comes to these types of exams so we expect certain procedures to be quite invasive but my doctor took the time to tell me exactly what she was going to do before she did it.  throw in a dinner and wine and that would be considered a third date.  she asked me if i was comfortable with the size of the speculum she was going to use and when i looked at it, i was like: yo doc, i shot a baby out of my vagina; i doubt that thing is going to make a dent.  just kidding, i didn’t say that but i wanted to for jokes.  i could imagine the shocked look on my doctor’s face if i had said that – she’s this gentle little lady with a friendly smile; she probably would have thought i was a foul-mouthed bitch.

other than said violation and a pending pap and blood work, i’m in good health (i think).  i just need to get started on exercising again and stop stuffing my face because just last week i was 125lbs.  i am seriously wondering what i could have eaten to gain 1lb in a week.  but according to the BMI chart she showed me, i was in the green zone which i interpreted to be a good thing;  it says i am in a healthy range for my weight and height.  i don’t really think that chart is accurate or tells you much but if it says that i am in a good range and out of the red danger zone, i’m ok with that.

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