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i may need to join the corporate world again….

February 6, 2010

i am dreading going back to work.  the time has come for me to start seriously thinking about this because i find that we are starting to dip into our savings.  i socked away every cent i could so that we wouldn’t struggle while i was off and so far, we’ve been good but i don’t like the fact that we are now starting to dip into that savings more frequently than before.  that, and my ‘business account’ is hemorrhaging money like a heavy period.  let me say that i do not get any sort of government help such as EI or whatever it is that employees get when they go on mat leave.  because of said ‘business’, i basically had to put away every dollar i made during my contract work so that my business would still look/be functional – at least on paper. now, that money is nearly gone and i am faced with re-joining the work-force once again.

i have not worked in over 19mos.  when i was 8mos pregnant, i decided to leave one month early to chill out.  well, that one month turned into 19more and i have gotten used to not having to fight traffic, deal with office politics, stupid people at work, deadlines, deployments and all the likes of an IT job.  grant it, 2009 was basically a write-off for me but now that i’m better, it feels like my mat leave is just starting and now i have to go back to work.  boo-urns!

i used to be a very ambitious person.  driven to excel and progress higher.  now, instead of wanting to deliver projects on time, i would rather teach kayla animal sounds or the names of colors.  instead of spending time with colleagues, i would rather spend my time chasing kayla around and smothering her with kisses.  instead of waking up in the morning and going to the office early to get a jump start on my day, i would rather wait for kayla to wake up so i can go in and see her smiling face as she points to her grobag and asks me to “oppin dat” (that’s how she says “open this”).

another thing that worries me is kayla being in full time daycare.  currently, i have a pretty good set-up in that kayla is in daycare from 8am-12pm every day.  quite frankly, i’m surprised DH hasn’t questioned me about this since i have the mornings ‘off’ to do what i please (even though most of that time i’m actually doing work like blogging prepping dinner, laundry, sleeping cleaning, reading grocery shopping etc) .  my concern is kayla’s napping at daycare, or lack of napping in her case.  i have mentioned before that kayla is not a very good napper – she will sleep but she doesn’t need much of it.  also, she is used to sleeping in her own crib in certain conditions; all of which daycare cannot accommodate.  if you must know, kayla sleeps in pitch darkness with a sound machine and when i mean pitch darkness, i mean you can’t even see your hand in front of your face, i am not joking.  she is a very distractable baby and any light used to distract her and keep her awake so we’ve had to black out her windows.  for real, if you looked at her window from the outside, you’d think we were growing weed in her room.  it’s not ghetto like newspapers or black construction paper pasted up but there’s like, 3 layers of black-out drapes to prevent any light from coming through the glass.  it has been like this since she was a baby and we haven’t changed it.  i don’t know if she’s still like that where light will distract her from sleep but seeing how she is (energizer bunny), it wouldn’t surprise me if it still did.   i know i should take her off the noise machine but i just don’t know how.  also, our house is so open that it really carries and amplifies external noises so if i were doing dishes downstairs, it sounds like i’m doing dishes right outside the bedroom doors.

i have been delaying putting some serious thought about going back to work because, well, i just don’t want to but God must be telling me that i need to get on this pronto because a few potential opportunities fell into my lap this past week.  now i have to update my resume and brush up on my interview skills.  per my previous post about work – the worst part of this whole process is having to update my resume.  wish me luck!

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