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genetics can be cruel

January 31, 2010

i have a 19mos daughter and she’s my little monkey.  a great baby, loves to laugh and play (but not sleep!) and is a total joker.  she’s talking up a storm now, says funny things, gives me attitude and disses me all the time.  still, i smother her with kisses and chase her around the house forcing her to hug me all the while she’s yelling “nooooooo!” as she runs away.  i am madly in love with her.

not cool

so the point is of today’s post is to ask the Gods why must genetics be so cruel.  mostly, why must my daughter bear the burden of my genetic flaws such as the unibrow.  gasp! yes i have a sort of unibrow and i am not proud of it.  i say ‘sort of’ because it’s not a full-on unibrow.  i get my bushy eyebrows from my dad but he fortunately doesn’t have a unibrow but i somehow have a mutated gene that softly fills in the center of my forehead.  i no likey.  because of this, i must groom (pluck) every 2 or 3 days so as not to look like a direct decendant of Bert.  this is why i spend lots of money on state-of-the-art tweezers because i will not walk around looking like i am from the dark ages.  i will forgo the makeup, nice clothes and a stylish hair cut but i will not forgo the tweezing.  it is a must.  and if that weren’t cruel enough, i have a slight ‘stache.  if you are laughing i say fuck you.  i think all women have some kind of hair issue whether it be on their face or hidden underneath their clothes.  while my ‘stache isn’t in the realm of a 70s porno actor, it is noticable enough that i have to do something about it.  so i guess you can say that instead of diamonds being my best friend, my tweezer is my best friend.  if i ever had to go onto Survivor, my one luxury item would not be food or water or tampons or whatever, it would be my tweezers otherwise at the end of 40 weeks, they will have to file a missing persons report because no one will recognize me and will think that i was kidnapped.  they will also wonder how this new male member suddenly came to join their team.  but whatever.  so there you have it folks, 2 of my embarassing features.  i am wearing my heart out on my sleeve so be kind.

my kayla has inherited this mutated unibrow gene.  the first thing i noticed when she was born was that her eyebrows were so defined.  they stood out against her pink skin like two little caterpillars chilling on her forehead.  a friend even said: “wow, her eyebrows are so defined!”  when she came to visit kayla when she was first born.  the other day, i was giving her bottle and i looked down and saw a faint fuzz growing between her brows.  she’s only 19mos – i don’t want to think about what it will look like when she hits puberty.  i just whispered ‘i’m sorry’ into her ear and filed that away under “things i must teach kayla when she’s older’ in my mental rolodex.

i am not vain; i know how cruel kids can be.  i will not say anything to kayla unless she says something about it so it’s not like i will point this out to her when she’s older.  when i was young, i was endlessly teased by my school mates about my ‘stache and unibrow so as soon as i could get my hands on a pair of tweezers, i eliminated  that thorn in my side.

and if that’s not cruel enough, she also has my square, fred flintstone feet and my huge noggin.  this means that she will not be able to run very fast which decreases her chances of being on the track  team or outrun a predator, she will have a difficult time finding trendy yet comfortable shoes, will most likely be prone to bunions if she decides to cram her feet into high heels and will have trouble finding hats of any sort because they will all be too small.  she also has my attitude and temper which is not good for well, anyone.

on the flip side, i think she has inherited DH’s height – she’s just above the 95th percentile in the height category.  i think she also has his ability to figure things out pretty quickly because she seems to ‘get things’ quite fast.  i hope this means that she’ll be smart because God knows that there’s no way i’ll be able to help her beyond like, grade 9 math.

it’s amazing when you look at your child the things you see in them that are from you or your family.  there are many times when i look at kayla i see my father; especially when she’s sleeping, she looks exactly like my dad.

kayla doing what she does best: laughing

she's serious about playing

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Kelly permalink
    March 29, 2010 11:57 pm

    I was just skipping around from blog to blog when I encountered your article, and I have to say that your daughter will have absolutely nothing to worry about. She is incredibly beautiful- from her defined eyebrows to her sweet smile & her plush lips. 🙂

    I love your blog & will definitely be telling my friends about it. 🙂

    • March 30, 2010 6:43 am

      Hi Kelly
      thanks for dropping by and for the complements about Kayla. She’s such a ham. I haven’t had much time to write on this blog even though I have so much to say but with trying to launch my other site and work, there’s just not enough hours in the day! I plan to update this blog soon so please feel free and stop by anytime

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