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RANT!!!!! THIS WEEK SUCKS ASS

January 27, 2010

i am having such a bad week.  it is only wednesday and this week from hell feels like it’s going to go on forever.  kayla’s in her crib right now wailing as i type.  she’s pretty pissed off about being put in her crib for nap and is showing me just how stubborn she is by fighting via wailing and screaming and forcing herself awake.  it has been about 25mins now since i put her down and she’s still crying.  if by some miracle she falls asleep, it won’t be for long – maybe 20mins at the most – because she’s done this before.  well, if she’s done this before, i should be used to this right?  in a way, yes, but i just can’t stand the crying.  i will not entertain her by picking her up because if i constantly do that she will be an overtired mess in the coming days.  i have been told that even if she’s in her crib (albeit crying), it’s still some form of down time because she’s not being stimulated by anything (except for her crying).  God i hate hearing her cry it breaks my heart 😦

aside from my throbbing thumb that has hindered my ability to do even the simplist thing because it fucking hurts every time i brush it against something, kayla just will not sleep properly.  since the beginning of this week, her sleep has just turned to shit and it’s incredibly frustrating because it feels like i have to sleep train every other week.  since she turned 18mos she’s been like this – good one week, bad the next – and although i’m consistent with the routine, it’s just so all over the place sometimes.  and it’s not the drama that she gives during the day it’s also at night.  it’s like: please please give mommy a break!!  please don’t make me go back to that bad place!!!  i know it’s not her fault – she’s just a baby and probably going through a lot developmentally but motherfucker, i just need a break!  why can’t we go back to last week when all was good with the world?!  why must God test my patience?  haven’t i been through enough the past year?!?!?

and tonight i’m being dragged against my will to a car dealership which at this very moment, i’m so not looking forward to.  i am actually dreading it because i get angry when i feel like i’m getting shafted and i hate negotiating with people who tend to say no.  and the way i’m feeling now – tired and irrirated – i just don’t feel like being around people.

SERENITY NOW!!!

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