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oh sweet treats, how i hate you

January 21, 2010
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my favorite chips are ruffles sour crean ‘n onion.  for a while, DH and i got into the bad habit of snacking in bed while watching tv.  when i mean for a while, i mean months.   our thing would be dinner, dishes and then head upstairs to cozy up in bed with our own brand of poison and watch our fav tv shows that we of course PVR’d.  DH’s poison is the baked chips because they’re more ‘healthy’.  unless he’s eating a bag of raw potatoes, they fall into the  ‘unhealthy’ category because they’ve been baked in wonderful fatty oils and artificial flavourings.

so after months of this pigfest and having to change our bedsheets constantly from the crumbs, we did a self-intervention and quit cold turkey.  there were some relapses but overall, we remained clean and sober of heart and artery-harming junk foods.  sometimes DH had to use his methadone-like substitute of double-buttered popcorn to get him through detox but in the end, we both concquered our demons.

yet today, i am disgusted with myself.  for the past 3 days, i have veered way off Sobriety Road and have somehow turned left onto Fat Fucking Bitch.  i have eaten a bag of chips, about 1/3 of a marble loaf  and lemon cake and about 2 slices of banana cake.  let me just say that the marble loaf and lemon cake came as a twin pack and i couldn’t just eat the marble one because the lemon one would feel left out and ugly and i just couldn’t have that.  the banana cake i don’t really count becuse it has banana in it so it’s kinda healthy.  i have tried to counter this by eating fruits and drinking lots of water but who am i kidding – i have fallen off the wagon again.

i wanted to measure how far-gone i am so i decided to try on my skinny jeans.  can i just tell you that the seams are starting to hang on for dear life.  they’re not completely painted on but they’re not as roomy as they were a month ago.   this makes me sad.  so i must stop this binging and start eating better again….  right after i eat this piece of lemon cake i will not eat any more junk food.  cross my heart and hope to die or stick a needle in my eye.

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