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obsess much?

January 15, 2010
tags: , ,

ok, i am no longer a fan of tumblr.  i have returned to familiar pasters after a long, harrowing venture on tumblr trying to customize my blog to be the perfect site.  i can no longer battle tumblr’s requirement to know how to code in order to obtain the pimp daddy of blogs.  so i give up.  i will end my search here – with blogger – and be content with the features that it offers.  i mean, who needs mood icons or the ability to customize your theme layout at the simple click of a button?  who needs all those 3rd party apps that just make everything so neat?  the answer is I DO but i will settle for blogger because it does the job.  although i have gone through the various stages of emotional blogging feature-loss and am now at ‘acceptance’, it still kind of bothers me that there is something out there that can satisfy my blogging needs (damn you, cursed lj!).

sometimes i get carried away with things, especially things that i get excited about and i will spend countless hours, days, weeks to get everything right.  when it doesn’t go the way i want, it really pisses me off.   so it’s no surprise that part of my psych eval included OCD traits because since i started blogging again, i’ve been on a rampage – spending so much time on the computer creating posts, searching for cool widgets to include and as of late, searcing for the next best blogging service besides lj.  although blogger did the job, i wanted something that allowed a bit more customization and posting features; namely, the ability to set some posts as private and maybe change the posting date.   i thought i had found my lj replacement with tumblr. it looked cool, sounded cool and the themes were pretty good. it seemed to have some of the features i wanted but over time as i was configuring my page, i slowly realized that you have to pretty much know how to code in html or java in order to display the features/widgets you want and i haven’t coded in years.  like, over 10yrs.  i did spend some time researching and digging into the cobwebs of my brain and managed to edit and include some code that displays stuff that i want. but i couldn’t figure out other important things to include on my page such as tag clouds (can you believe you have to code that shit into the page? you would think it would be a default feature) or upload a profile picture to the left of the “about me” section.  i was also struggling with uploding a picture that spans the header behind my blog title.  you have no idea how pissed off i was.

i will give you an example of how freakishly obsessed i can be and the lengths i will go to to get what i want.  when i got my samsung blade a few years back, it had this annoying glitch that wouldn’t allow me to upload any mp3 as my ringtones.  ok, so it wasn’t a glitch so much as a measure against piracy but whatever.  at the time, i really really really wanted the CTU ringtone because that was just the coolest ring tone ever and i wanted to be a CTU agent but that damn phone just wouldn’t let me.  even my service provider didn’t have it and i sure as hell wasn’t going pay for ring tones either.  i spent about a week on the computer, intensively researching and fiddling around with the phone.  i signed up to dozens of cell phone forums and blogs, googling everything i could think of and even visiting some stores to somehow get one of the reps to tell me any secrets. after hours and hours trying to hack into the damn thing, i finally found a way to crack that badboy open and upload my beloved ringtone.  the emotion i felt was pretty close to when i had my first orgasm.  then i immediately began uploading all sorts of cool ringtones, namely the SMB ringtone for my hubby because i am so clever.

and now my new obsession is to perfectly customize my blog therefore i am constantly on the computer; so much that my carpel tunnel is coming back.  not a good thing.  i don’t know why i get so obsessed about something and will not rest until it’s done the way i want.  this is why you do not want me as a member of your project.  this is why you do not want me to manage your project or program because i will be on you and other project members like white on rice until i get what i need.  i feel no shame in hovering around someone’s desk waiting for the information i’ve requested or giving me a good reason why they can’t do what i’ve asked.  if i find the reason unacceptable, i will stand there until they tell me to fuck off.  i am no stranger to enemies on a project – people tend to find me an annoying constant that will just not.go.away.  but this is how things get done.  i find that in the work place, people will slack off until the very last minute and then make up some stupid excuse as to why they weren’t able to finish their assigned task that i gave them ample time to complete.  i don’t fare very well with bullshit excuses.  i suppose this is why i end up doing all the work myself because if i want something done right, i might as well do myself.  this is why i’m hesitant to work with new people because i can’t gauge their work ethic or previous successes without coming straight out and asking them and i will flat-out turn down working with known idiots because they will do nothing but irrirate me.  i’m not being judgemental – i’m all for ‘mentoring’ and ‘coaching’ or whatever – but if someone cannot grasp a concept within a 10min explaination, that tells me that they’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer and i do not have the patience to hand-hold because there are deadlines hovering over my head.  i’m not saying i’m super smart but i prefer to work with bright people… it makes things a lot easier, know what i mean?
so to end this seemingly mean post now that i’ve re-read it, here’s a cute picture of my little monkey.  she loves the computer as much as i do.

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